I had a unique experience this week. I showed up to my Monday class – usually jammed packed full of eager ballet students – and found myself as one of three students.
THREE. One, two, three. Three students is too damn near being the only one who shows up for class and accidentally getting a private lesson. And it’s terrifying.
You can’t hide in a class of three students. There is no chance that Madame was watching everyone else, and missed my horrible excuse for frappes at the barre. She definitely saw me fall out of my balances in center. And she most certainly saw me screw up the combination across the floor. Because I was the only one doing it.
But after I got over the initial shock of being highly noticeable in class, it was actually kinda fun. I got some new corrections – new because Madame probably hadn’t seen those mistakes before with a full class. And I had no choice but to dance. There was no one to hide behind. No one’s feet to watch and tentatively mimic. It was just me and the music and my clumsy feet.
But Thursday came, and class was back up to its normal levels. I was (somewhat) anonymous again. I felt relieved . . . but also a bit sad. Because I found myself dancing a little smaller, looking down a little bit more, and not trusting my body to just DO it.
Something to think about.