The Large and Small of It

I had a unique experience this week.  I showed up to my Monday class – usually jammed packed full of eager ballet students – and found myself as one of three students.

THREE.  One, two, three.  Three students is too damn near being the only one who shows up for class and accidentally getting a private lesson.  And it’s terrifying.

You can’t hide in a class of three students.  There is no chance that Madame was watching everyone else, and missed my horrible excuse for frappes at the barre.  She definitely saw me fall out of my balances in center.  And she most certainly saw me screw up the combination across the floor.  Because I was the only one doing it.

But after I got over the initial shock of being highly noticeable in class, it was actually kinda fun.  I got some new corrections – new because Madame probably hadn’t seen those mistakes before with a full class.  And I had no choice but to dance.  There was no one to hide behind.  No one’s feet to watch and tentatively mimic.  It was just me and the music and my clumsy feet.

But Thursday came, and class was back up to its normal levels.  I was (somewhat) anonymous again.  I felt relieved . . . but also a bit sad.  Because I found myself dancing a little smaller, looking down a little bit more, and not trusting my body to just DO it.

Something to think about.


One thought on “The Large and Small of It

  1. I’ve been in classes ranging from as many as 40 students to as few as 5. I did enjoy the smaller class, but you are so right: it’s impossible to hide! I both like it and hate it. I like getting corrections for things that wouldn’t have been noticed otherwise, because sometimes that’s the correction I need to actually be able to do something. But if the teacher is pushing too hard it can be a bit much. I rather like the idea of a private lesson though, I feel I would be waaay less self-conscious. Sometimes I’m more scared of being judged by my fellow students than by the teacher (which I’m aware is very weird).

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